Chance Glance!

23 Slovakia INFP
A girl who got lost in a nightmare and, using her own blood, she tried to change it into paradise.
I’m shy, awkward and clumsy. Short somehow-human who loves to hug people but is mostly too insecure to do so. So, cuddles dogs and cats instead.


British TV showsSoft thingsHugsPhysical affectionNight sky


ConfusionFightsSleep issuesMisunderstandingsShouting

Comment History

on 287 Roots

287 Thoughts

Location: Rayman
It's been two years since I last checked in here.
Whoa, I forgot how cringey my profile picture is.

Things suck. I'm falling into self destructive habits and self isolation.
I've developed this weird self punishment thing where I don't eat, or sleep because I feel that I don't deserve it.

I never really used to hate myself. There were a lot of things I didn't like about me, mainly my looks, but I always felt comfortable with who I was as a person.

Now that's flipped. I've grown up. I'm happy with how I look, but I don't like myself.

I realized that the clever, erudite and "mature" persona I built up for myself only worked as a child.
A kid with a cynical attitude worthy of Sam Vimes is only funny and charming when you're a kid.

Now I'm struggling to figure out who I am, and who I want to be.

I've been watching Community from Dan Harmon.
Abed, one of the characters said:
"When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for others is no big deal."

But I don't know who I am and what I like about myself besides my hair. Great. Super. I like my curls, but I'm a disgusting, lazy and unreliable jerk.

And when I change for the people around me, like my dad, I feel... Wrong.

I miss this place. I miss you guys.
I want to go back to being who I was. But that "Me" doesn't work anymore. Everyone hates him. So I don't know...

Who the hell do I want to be?
No one cares. Work faster! Stop falling asleep in class! Stop being such a downer. Stop being so self destructive.

I don't know I might look back at this post in another two years and laugh about it.

Cheers everybody!
Location: Rayman
I figured it out. Soul Tome on Facebook is up!
It's a closed group so you'll have to send a request, but I check Fb a couple of times a day so it shouldn't take long.

Location: Oceandust
Yeah, I miss it too. Hopefully he'll fix it one day.
Location: Rayman
I'm surprised hadn't thought of this earlier... But does anyone want to continue Soul tome as a private group on Facebook?
I know a lot of you don't use it, but it's just a thought.
Location: Rayman
Same here, I, puny human that I am, cannot hope to understand the complexities of the afterlife or lack thereof.

I was just wondering what you guys thought hell would be like, whether they beleive in it or not.

I guess I'll never know until I kick the bucket and all that.
Now I'm depressed...
Location: Rayman
I was wondering what you guys think hell is.
Personal and uncomfortable topic, I know.
But I wanted to ask anyway.
My hell would be empty.
A big nothing.
No light, no shapes, no sound, no touch.
A great big nothing where I am nothing and everything else is nothing.
This is why people talking about their experiences in sensory deprivation chambers scare the hell (har) out of me. But it's appealing to so many people.
Why is nothing so attractive?

It's what the buddhists strive for.
I don't understand Buddhism, because their "heaven"
is my hell.
Anybody here beleive in Nirvana?
Can you help me understand what you beleive?
Location: Rayman
Iris isn't dead.
I moved on, I almost forgot about her.
Now I find out she isn't dead after all.
Should I go see her?
I thought I might have been falling in love with her.
I thought she was dead.
What is this going to do to me and Meghan?
Iris isn't dead.
And I have no idea what to think now.
Location: Rayman
This comment is private.
Location: Rayman
Thanks for replying! It means a lot!

I've known Meghan for about a year.
Ever since Martine left she's become my best friend gradually.

We were sitting on the couch today, I was playing guitar and I really wanted to tell her then, but my family was all over the place, and they've been taunting me for being "sweet on her" so it wasn't the right place.
We'll go hiking soon. Maybe then...